We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
