How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
