You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
