1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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