Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
