When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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