I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
