shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
