I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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