Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
