she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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