Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
