How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
