he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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