I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
