this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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