Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
