Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
it wasn't lemon gatorade
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
