remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
