I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When did angry sex become our thing?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
