I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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