only if we run a train.
done.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
