Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
