Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
