I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
