Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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