I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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