I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
