i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
