so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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