There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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