I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
