Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
