i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
