I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
