party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
