1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
