Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
