Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize