he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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