Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
we're so committed to being not committed
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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