Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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