Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
