The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
