Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
