You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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