dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
