Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
