I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
