I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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