I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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