I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
