I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
