used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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