she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
