I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
