Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
