Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
