'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
