kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
