yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
