GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
