I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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