We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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